we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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