puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
