i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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