She said her name was "party"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
