I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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