i don't like sucking hair
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
