I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
