I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
