We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
