if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
