So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
