i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The feeling are messing with the penis
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