all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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