I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
