I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize