Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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