guys are only as good as the porn they watch
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
