I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
