i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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