I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize