i don't like sucking hair
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
so much tequila, so little girl.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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