just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
