dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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