It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
