these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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