it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
