I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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