why do cheetos always look like penises
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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