My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
