He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I need a beard to bite.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize