You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
