Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
