How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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