It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
