Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
