I think my vagina is haunted
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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