I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
