i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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