Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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