I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
