Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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