So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
