Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
