My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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