he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
