i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
