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I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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