I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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