Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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