Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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