i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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