i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
high people should be assigned attendants
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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