Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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