I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize