I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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