Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
