That's intense
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
