God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize