Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
