every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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