what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize