what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
