the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
