Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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