Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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