it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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