He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
