I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize