Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
