Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
