I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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