We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize