I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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