How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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