Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
