I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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