If you die in college, do you die in real life?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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